Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
