my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
