You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
