i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
