I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
