i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I die, sorry about rent.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
