The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
