last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
