Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
