she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
