Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
