remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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