Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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