it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
