She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
