I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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