Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
