i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
