it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she looked like the before picture.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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