i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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