He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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