ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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