I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
