I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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