I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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