They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So many bounce houses so little time
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
