There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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