Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
