I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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