Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
