Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
