can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
