ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
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How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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