my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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