I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
