My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
