I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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