I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
