At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
