Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
