Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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