If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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