i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
