It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
