Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NoShamevember. You game?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
