Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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