I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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