Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I will pee on everything he values.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
