we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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