Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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