one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't deserve a penis
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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