we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
