Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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