Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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