five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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