I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
