She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
