Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
