Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
