I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
