'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am naked and annoyed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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